This Week’s Jokes: Week of Our National Nightmare Edition

Donald Trump won the election. Ugh I hope this doesn’t mean Green Day forces another “rock opera” on us.

Donald Trump said he’d be given “the electric chair” if he used the same kind of language as Jay Z and Beyonce. Ooooh, real original, another white dude complaining about not being able to say the N word when he does rap songs at karaoke.

Donald Trump won the election. What time is the President’s eulogy for America?

Donald Trump won the election. So it was rigged, but by the guy who made the first “Not My President” T-shirt back in the Bush years.

After Donald Trump won the election, Canada’s immigration website crashed. How about a wall to keep people in the country?

Donald Trump met with House Speaker Paul Ryan, and they appear to have resolved their differences. They realized they actually have a lot in common, since no one wants Paul Ryan to be the House Speaker, either.

Donald Trump met with President Obama, and said he plans on consulting him for advice in the future. One of the saddest questions of this election: will they give Trump the @POTUS Twitter account?

Donald Trump met with President Obama, and said he plans on consulting him for advice in the future. And Obama plans on responding, “new phone who dis?”

Melania Trump met with Michelle Obama on Thursday. But it was hard for them to have a conversation because Melania kept repeating everything she said.

Melania Trump met with Michelle Obama on Thursday, and they reportedly had an “excellent” conversation. Wait that’s the exact same thing Donald said about his meeting with Barack.

The KKK is planning a parade in North Carolina to celebrate the election of Donald Trump. Hoodies make you a thug, but apparently hoods are just fine.

The KKK is planning a parade in North Carolina to celebrate the election of Donald Trump. Haters gonna hate, and our next President is going to let them.

Fashion designer Alexander Wang says he uses “a lot of placenta” in his skincare routine. Wow those runway models are even younger than we thought.

The FBI finished reviewing the new Hillary Clinton emails. She’s not guilty of anything except triggering a massive “reply all” avalanche.

Janet Reno passed away. But it’s 2016, so every time a powerful woman dies two more rise up to take her place.

Two of Chris Christie’ ex-aides were found guilty of conspiracy and fraud for the “Bridgegate” scandal. And trolling.

According to a recent study, there are 28 metro areas in the U.S. without any Ob/Gyns. That’s a huge gap in thigh gap services.

People are upset that Toblerone is going to use less chocolate in its candy bars, because Brexit has made certain ingredients too expensive. Brexit: have a meltdown about what’s in your mouth; it’s not in your hands.

Someone stole a Seattle Seahawks linebacker’s collection of Magic The Gathering cards, and people are making fun of him for trying to get them back. Yeah, so immature that a guy who gets millions of dollars to play a game would care about a game.

The number of U.S. smokers decreased by 8.6 million between 2005 and 2015. But only because every smoker stopped bumming cigarettes to their “Oh I only smoke when I drink” friends.

 

 

 

 

 

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