This Week’s Jokes: Week of 10/10/16

Donald Trump stood uncomfortably close behind Hillary Clinton at several points during the second presidential debate. Because behind every successful woman is a creep trying to make it about him.

Donald Trump stood uncomfortably close behind Hillary Clinton at several points during the second presidential debate. It’s weird that Trump has her back.

Paul Ryan said he won’t defend Trump, but also won’t unendorse him. Reassuring Trump supporters under the “double negative equals a positive” rule.

Shailene Woodley was arrested at a Dakota Pipeline protest, further proving that she’s not the next Jennifer Lawrence, because Jennifer Lawrence would’ve gotten arrested for something fun like public drunkenness.

Former Blink-182 frontman Tom DeLonge emailed Hillary Clinton’s campaign chair about UFOs. His current career prospects also remain unidentified.

McDonald’s is downplaying Ronald McDonald while “creepy clown” sightings spread across the country. No. At this time more than ever, we need a leader. Send in the clown.

McDonald’s is downplaying Ronald McDonald while “creepy clown” sightings spread across the country.  When they told him the news, he Grimaced.

McDonald’s is downplaying Ronald McDonald while “creepy clown” sightings spread across the country. I’ve seen far creepier things in a McDonald’s playground ball pit.

The White House press secretary had to field a question about the “creepy clown” situation. The other one, besides Trump.

President Obama announced that the U.S. plans to send humans to Mars by 2030. And when Hillary Clinton takes office, boys can go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

President Obama announced that the U.S. plans to send humans to Mars by 2030. Wonder if there are any in particular he has in mind?

There’s a new Jack Reacher movie coming out. What if this franchise is just a big Hollywood inside joke about how short Tom Cruise is? “Get it? He has to REACH! Hahahaha count the money again.”

Vegan meat producer Beyond Meat got an investment from Tyson Foods. So…not that beyond it.

Officials from nine states are crediting Facebook’s voter registration reminder for boosting sign-ups. Even if they’re all just in it for the voting booth selfies.

Officials from nine states are crediting Facebook’s voter registration reminder for boosting sign-ups. And boosting long political rant status updates.

Multiple women have come forward with sexual misconduct allegations against Donald Trump. The new talking point from the Trump campaign: “Well uh if he lied about it, then that shows that knows it was a bad thing. So that makes him a good guy. Very good guy.”

Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature. The academy couldn’t ignore the significance of when he went electric typewriter.

Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature. The academy couldn’t ignore the significance of a musician whose lyrics are easier to read than to listen to.

Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature. I always forget that his music converted to poetry.

According to the Wall Street Journal, four out of five millennials have never tasted a Big Mac. That’s because being a millennial is all about having it your way.

 

 

 

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