This Week’s Jokes: Week of 3/28/16

PEZ had to cancel its annual Easter egg hunt because of aggressive parents. PEZ workers were shocked, just standing there with their mouths wide open.

Surveys show Tinder and OkCupid are the dating apps with the most instances of harassment. Uh yeah, here’s the premise of Tinder: You don’t like someone? Swat ’em across the face! You do like someone? Backhand ’em anyway!

A study shows men who identify as “colorblind” actually show more racial bias in their dating preferences. And more douchebagness by writing that in their dating profiles.

Donald Trump’s campaign manager was arrested and charged with battery for allegedly grabbing a female reporter by the arm last month. I mean honestly the most shocking thing about this is that that sleazebag *only* grabbed her arm.

Iggy Azalea’s fiance was caught confessing to cheating on a leaked video. Wow, that’s almost as embarrassing as when the news leaked that he got engaged to Iggy Azalea.

Beyoncé is releasing an activewear line called Ivy Park. Wait wait wait,  activewear line, or gated community for wealthy seniors?

Lululemon suggested that Beyoncé ‘s new activewear line is “imitating” their brand. Sounds like Lululemon is “imitating” an asshole.

Rupert Murdoch’s ex-wife Wendi Deng is rumored to be dating Vladimir Putin. Evil media conglomerate? Evil world leader? C’mon Wendi get you a man who can do both.

Brandi Glanville of The Real Housewives is dating a former Road Rules cast member. I see this ending with the two of them screaming at each other at the same time: “You spend too much time on the road!” and “You spend too much time at home!”

According to a recent American National Election Study, support for Donald Trump is highly correlated with racism: While not all Trump supporters are racist, most racists are Trump supporters. So since it’s not all of them, the only way to be able to tell is to think like a Trump supporter–just make assumptions about people.

Seattle’s Africatown Center was vandalized with swastikas, racial threats, and pro-Trump graffiti. The Center is in a difficult position, because on the one hand, they want to return to the Center and recover; but on the other hand, “Go back to Africatown” kind of also sounds like something a racist would say.

A Missouri state senate committee is considering tougher racial profiling laws. Seriously?! Oh wait, sorry, it’s a good thing. You hear “Missouri” and “tougher racial profiling” and you just assume that means they’re trying to do more of it.

Emma Watson’s old ads for Lancome’s “Blanc Expert” skin-lightening line recently resurfaced on the Internet and are making fans angry. But Emma Watson fans are mostly white Harry Potter fans, so they’re probably just upset that she couldn’t just lighten her skin magically.

Two former CVS employees say they were told to target customers of color for shop-lifting. It was official corporate policy to “use CVS ExtraCare…to watch the black people.”

 

 

 

 

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