This Week’s Jokes: Week of 2/29/16

In Sweden, McDonald’s updated its Happy Meal box so that it can be folded into a virtual reality viewer. Oooh big news, Sweden IKEA’d something, surprise surprise.

Dr. Ben Carson  decided not to show up to this week’s GOP debate because he doesn’t see a  “political path forward.” Well yeah but look at how far ignoring that kind of thing has gotten Trump.

Aaron Carter endorsed Donald Trump. I guess ultra-conservative Republicans are the true “Aaron’s Party.”

Chris Christie endorsed Donald Trump, despite having some pretty terrible things to say about him throughout his campaign. But to be fair, “If you can’t beat ’em, abandon your ethics and join ’em” is New Jersey’s unofficial state motto.

Donald Trump’s excuse for refusing to condemn the KKK was that he had a “bad ear piece” during the interview in question. I mean, if you let the hearing aid excuse slide for your racist grandpa…

Pope Francis opened the Vatican to Instagram’s CEO to discuss the power of images. But you know he’s just going to take a bunch of filtered photos of the Body of Christ before he eats it.

The CDC cautioned pregnant women against going to the Rio Olympics due to the Zika virus. So some athletes are taking two kinds of pee tests.

Kylie Minogue is trying to stop Kylie Jenner from trademarking the name “Kylie.” I think “Kylie” belongs to all of us but that’s just one non-Kylie’s opinion.

MyRecipes.com created cookie versions of this year’s Oscar dresses. They’re low-fat, just like the women who wore them.

MyRecipes.com created cookie versions of this year’s Oscar dresses. Why wear a knock-off when you can eat one?

Documents released from the 2011 raid on Osama Bin Laden reveal that he thought the US should focus on fighting climate change, which narrowly makes dead Osama Bin Laden a better candidate for President than Donald Trump.

Documents released from the 2011 raid on Osama Bin Laden reveal that he thought the US should focus on fighting climate change, starting with that giant cloud of ash and debris he caused over New York City on September 11, 2001.

Documents released from the 2011 raid on Osama Bin Laden reveal that he thought the US should focus on fighting climate change. Oh yeah, because we did sooo well with fighting wars at that time.

Ivy League football coaches voted to ban tackling during regular season practices. But mostly so that the players won’t get their fancy uniforms so dirty.

Aroldis Chapman is the first baseball player to be punished under the new MLB domestic violence policy. Instead of being suspended for 30 games, they should suspend him from batting permanently so that he can never go home again.

Retired US Soccer star Brandi Chastain is donating her brain to science after she dies, so that more research can be done on the impact of concussions on women. What a noble gooooooaaaalllllll!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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