This Week’s Jokes: Week of 2/8/16

Gloria Steinem and Madeline Albright criticized young women backing Bernie Sanders. Ugh, this would all be so much easier if women just weren’t allowed to vote.

The Super Bowl was on Sunday, and while the Broncos won, the game was messy with fumbles, missed field goals and more. Still, the worst play of the game was Coldplay.

Beyonce rented a $10,000/night Airbnb in San Francisco during the Super Bowl. I could’ve won my Super Bowl pool and still wouldn’t be able to afford that.

Starbucks released 3 Valentine’s Day drinks. Starbucks: the Valentine’s Day gift that says, “I don’t know your name.”

Starbucks released 3 Valentine’s Day drinks, which is really sweet. Too sweet, actually–that’s not coffee, it’s just sugar, don’t drink it.

In an interview with CBS, the Obamas revealed that the White House’s wifi isn’t very good.  And if a Republican gets elected, the White House will be even more disconnected.

The FBI arrested almost all of the top officials from a Texas town. An FBI agent was overheard saying, “this town ain’t big enough for almost all of ya.”

9-month-old Princess Charlotte has her own Marc Jacobs lipstick shade. But when she wears it, it’s more of a Marc Jacobs smeared-all-around-her-mouth-and-chin-stick shade.

Matt LeBlanc is starring in a new show called I Am Not Your Friend. His character’s catchphrase will be, “How you doin’? Like I fuckin’ care.”

Former NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani thinks Beyonce’s Super Bowl performance was an “attack” on police. If it were up to him she would have done a dance interpretation of “stop-and-frisk.”

Former NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani thinks Beyonce’s Super Bowl performance was an “attack” on police.  Just a reminder that Rudy Giuliani is not an expert on entertainment, Beyonce, the Super Bowl, civil rights, or being NYC Mayor, for that matter.

Red Lobster saw a huge increase in sales after Beyonce name-checked the restaurant in “Formation.” Credited with the assist: the apparent increase in men who fuck good.

Red Lobster saw a huge increase in sales after Beyonce dropped “Formation.” The video also references police brutality. Uh oh.

British Airways’ female crew members can now wear pants as part of their uniforms. Great Britain indeed!

Meryl Streep answered a question about diversity by saying “We’re all Africans, really.” Streep later clarified that she was just prepping for her latest role, “Meryl Streep the Racist,”  a part which already has an Oscar nomination for next year.

Whole Foods is adding in-store tattoo parlors, which means their groceries will now cost a tattooed arm and a leg.

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