Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m really glad we could squeeze this in today. This is pretty exciting for me—I just finished up my Masters in Psychology, and you’re my first real patient!

Now you said during the intake that you’ve actually done some therapy in the past, so I’m sure you’re already pretty familiar with how it works. Actually, you might have more “field experience” than I do—LOL!

So, tell me about yourself. Are you married? Wow, what’s that like? Man, I have no frame of reference for that. My life’s basically just getting started, you know? So if you were coming in here to work on issues with the hubby at home, I’d have to just be all like, “Gee, uh…I don’t know, have you tried watching Modern Family?”

Just kidding! We’d figure something out. I don’t need to have the same amount of life experience as my clients to be a good therapist! I may be a Millennial, but I’m not completely out of touch with how you older generations work. It’s just in my head it’d totally be like, “Oh wow, marriage—who even does that until they’re like, 40, anymore?”

So you’re married…Do you have any kids? Cool, me neither. I have absolutely zero parenting experience—other than a pregnancy scare with a one-night-stand or three in undergrad. So if you had kids I’d just be all like, “Uh…have you tried watching Modern Family?” Haha. Kidding again! I do love that show, though.

So, what made you decide to start coming to therapy? You seem like you have your life pretty together—I mean, you can afford therapy! I don’t know how people do it. Personally, I just do not have things together in terms of, you know, “being an adult” yet, so I would never be able to cover these co-pays. I don’t even have health insurance!

Whoops, sorry, one sec—I’m getting a message from this guy I met on Tinder. He’s sending me a SnapChat of his OKCupid profile. Ooh. Wow. That is…hot.

Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, sure, tell me more about what you do for work! Gee, that sounds really grown-up and important…Really?…Wow. Bummer. It doesn’t sound like your boss does a very good job of recognizing your value. Well, you just remember, everyone is special in their own way—you, and me, and everybody! No matter how much or how little you do or how good or bad you are at it, you deserve to be rewarded! And you should tell your boss it’s high time he recognizes that.

And if that doesn’t work, maybe try “Leaning In”?

Now let’s talk about your personal relationships. Do you have a lot of friends? How about Facebook friends? And Instagram followers?

Gee, that’s not good. It sounds like you’re saying your social network—pun intended!—isn’t being very supportive of you right now, and you don’t feel like a priority in their busy lives or newsfeeds. But then again, are you sure you’re not just suffering from FOMO? You know, “Fear of Missing Out.” I know it’s pretty common among me and my friends. Have you tried asking them to brunch?

Oops, looks like we’re just a little bit out of time…Normally I’d give you a full hour, but not in my evening appointments, because of my curfew. I’m living with my mom while I pay down my student loans, and she likes to keep her “house rules.” It’s like, “Mom, come on! I’m 25! I’m an adult…ish!”

Anyway, let’s just put a pin in that thought where we left off, so I can be home in time to help set the table for dinner. And you should get home, too—Modern Family’s on tonight!