Bad New Yorker Caption Contest Entries

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Each week, the New Yorker holds a caption contest. They choose 3 finalists, and readers vote on the winner. I am never going to win. Instead, I’m going to try my best to loselike, real hard. Here are some bad captions for this week’s cartoon. Which one should I submit?

captioncontestDrawing by Michael Maslin, Contest #473, May 4, 2015

1. “Go in an piece of toast; come out an alien. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!”

2. “Whoa there’s life on other planets and their bread is waayyyy bigger than ours! Like waaayyyy bigger!”

3. “Whaddya think’ll happen if that giant toast burns? A forest fire?”

4. “Ah! Extraterrestrials! Quick, git behind this bush and take off your shoes! I’ll call the X Files.”

5. “Ooh it’s good to be outside, it sure was toasty in there hahahhaaha!” “Shut your stupid face Glen, I hate you so much goddammit.”