Each week, the New Yorker holds a caption contest. They choose 3 finalists, and readers vote on the winner. I am never going to win. Instead, I’m going to try my best to lose, like, real hard. Here are some bad captions for this week’s cartoon. Which one should I submit?

Drawing by Frank Cotham, Contest #470, April 13, 2015

1. “So I says, ‘We’re not leavin’!’ and they says ‘Fine here’s a wrecking ball comin’ through yer house!'”

2. “Oooooh, you get down here RIGHT NOW Miss Miley Cyrus!”

3. “Hold on I gotta go Ned’s getting upset that the dog is staring at him again. Oh and what about the big hole in the side of the house? Just close your curtains and mind your own business, Karen!”

4. “I don’t know what it is it’s like a giant orb on a leash or something.”

5. “Hello? 911? Is your refrigerator running? Hahahahahahahaha wait don’t hang up there’s really an emergency.”