Each week, the New Yorker holds a caption contest. They choose 3 finalists, and readers vote on the winner. I am never going to win. Instead, I’m going to try my best to lose, like, real hard. Here are some bad captions for this week’s cartoon. Which one should I submit?

Drawing by Kaamran Hafeez, Contest #469, April 6, 2015

1.”Why’s your horse starin’ at me all mean? Stopppppp hoooorrrsseee!”

2. “Whatsamatta with him? He don’t he like robots taking his jobs?”

3. “It’s the new Apple iHorse. Yeehaw, FUTURE!”

4. “You can lead a horse to water, but not this one, ’cause he’s metal and then he’d rust.”

5. “Yeah it’s pretty badass, like the Terminator of horses, but it hurts your butt to sit on him too long.”