This Week’s Jokes: Week of 3/23/15

Two MTA bus drivers were arrested in Midtown on Friday evening after getting out of their vehicles and fighting in the street, proving that even MTA workers hate MTA workers.

Two MTA bus drivers were arrested in Midtown on Friday evening after getting out of their vehicles and fighting in the street. It’s a federal crime to assault an MTA employee, so…double-jeopardy?

An Alaska Airlines pilot proposed to his flight attendant girlfriend mid-air. “I can’t wait to see how beautiful she and the drink cart look walking down the aisle,” he said.

Angelina Jolie had her ovaries surgically removed as a precaution against her predisposition to breast and ovarian cancer. Tabloids are also touting it as a great weight-loss tip.

Barack Obama said he’s decided to slow down the pace of U.S. troops leaving Afghanistan. Well that sounds like a bad idea. Either make them stay or let them go, but either way let them do it quickly! It’s dangerous out there!

The governor of Utah signed a law to bring firing squads back as an execution method. Utah then continued its week of #throwbacklegislation by re-legalizing polygamy.

The governor of Utah signed a law to bring firing squads back as an alternative to lethal injection. “Shooting someone up, shooting someone up…all the same to me,” he said.

Zayn Malik is leaving One Direction. Give a teenage girl or a creepy old man a hug today–unless you’re one of those two things.

The FBI arrested a national guardsman and his cousin for trying to join ISIS. But to be fair, they were only going to join for one weekend a month, two weeks a year.

NYC mayor Bill de Blasio’s daughter is now the face of a New York City campaign to alleviate teen depression. The campaign’s first recommendation: Leave New York City.

NYC mayor Bill de Blasio’s daughter is now the face of a New York City campaign to alleviate teen depression. The campaign mostly centers around reminding teens about the other face of New York City, Taylor Swift.

A museum dedicated to preserving the history of Italian-Americans in New York City has decided to evict one of the few remaining descendants of Italian immigrants living in Little Italy from the apartments it owns next door. Why can’t they compromise? Let her stay, but make her an exhibit.

 

 

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