Each week, the New Yorker holds a caption contest. They choose 3 finalists, and readers vote on the winner. I am never going to win. Instead, I’m going to try my best to lose, like, real hard. Here are some bad captions for this week’s cartoon. Which one should I submit?

Drawing by Drew Dernavich, Contest #466, March 16, 2015

1. “Hahaha what are gonna do when he comes in? All stand up and yell ‘Surprise?’ No never mind that’s stupid.”

2. “Hey waitaminute, I thought we were all gonna have sex under here!”

3. “Whooooaaaa coooooool it is just like camping!”

4. “If you look at us from above I bet we look like a big ol’ bug with a table body and a buncha human leg legs. Wow yeah I bet it’s real bug-lookin’.”

5. “Aw c’mon guys this was my secret napping spot first! Get outta here Dan and Jim and Bob and and Chris and Sam and Oscar and Roger and Stephen and Steven and Stephan! Bill, you can stay.”