This Week’s Jokes: Week of 10/27/14

In a GQ interview, Nicki Minaj talked about working at Red Lobster. Interesting to hear that her focus was on biscuits prior to buns.

NJ mayor Chris Christie responded to questions about potentially getting sued by the nurse he forced into Ebola quarantine with, “Whatever, get in line. I’ve been sued lots of times before.” He also added, “No, seriously, it’s an actual line. For real. People don’t like me.”

NJ mayor Chris Christie says the nurse he forced into Ebola quarantine shouldn’t complain because “she had access to the internet and takeout food.” To be fair, that does sound like my ideal Saturday night.

A California judge ruled to dismiss former dictator Manuel Noriega’s lawsuit against a game publisher for including his likeness in Call of Duty: Black Ops II. The formal ruling stated, “because that’s friggin’ badass.”

An unnamed senior Obama administrative official reportedly called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu “chickenshit.” It sounds bad, until you realize that’s probably the nicest insulting thing anyone’s ever called a Jew.

McDonalds’ new advertising slogan is “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’.” It’s basically the marketing equivalent of a shoulder shrug.

Just weeks after Blake Lively announced her pregnancy, Leighton Meester has announced hers. XOXO Gossip Girl.

The New York Times reported that the CIA and FBI used at least 1,000 Nazi spies during the Cold War, covering up their past and allowing them to live in the U.S. How’d they do it? Well, if anyone asked, they’d just be like, “Nazis? Not zese!”

This week the Pope acknowledged that evolution and the Big Bang theory are real, and God isn’t “a magician with a magic wand.” Does he have to check with anyone before he says this stuff?

This week the Pope acknowledged that evolution and the Big Bang theory are real, and God isn’t “a magician with a magic wand,” unintentionally making it waaaaaay less cool to believe in God now.

 

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