This Week’s Jokes: Week of 10/20/14


Oscar Pistorius was sentenced to 5 years in prison, and Oscar de la Renta died. Neither Oscar got what he deserved.

Relaxed pot laws are now in effect in Philadelphia, PA. So relaxed that news reports are finally referring to it as “pot” instead of “marijuana.”

The Texas hospital that treated Thomas Eric Duncan – the Liberian man who died of Ebola earlier this month — ran a full-page ad in local newspapers to apologize for sending him home when he first sought treatment. It was black and white and red all over.

Monica Lewinsky says she was “Patient Zero” for cyberbullying. So…then she spread it around to other people? What a jerk.

A missionary was released from a North Korea prison after six months of detention for leaving a bible in a nightclub. So you’re not a jerk AT ALL for slamming the door in those Jehova’s Witnesses’ faces.

Iggy Azalea is the new face of Forever 21. This lady really doesn’t understand what Fancy is at all.

A teenager in Shaoxing City is trying to sell scarves out of his Porsche Cayman, saying he felt bad asking his parents for gas money after they bought him the car. “If we’d known you’d actually get a job, we wouldn’t have bought you anything,” said his parents.

A doctor who lives in New York City has been diagnosed with Ebola. Looks like Ebola is trying to re-brand as a disease for rich people.

The New York Ebola victim rode subways, walked the High Line, went bowling at The Gutter in Brooklyn and also went to Brooklyn Bowl just a few days before showing symptoms. Maybe we should be more worried about whatever he has that made him go to TWO bowling alleys in one night.

The Gutter bowling alley said in a statement Friday that it was working with the city health department to “have the bar cleaned and sanitized” as a precautionary measure which makes you think they’ll probably have to change their name.

An Iraqi woman was hanged this week for murdering her alleged rapist, despite public outcry. Because it’s an eye for an eye, unless you’re a woman; then it’s an eye for an eye for an eye.

A Macedonian man sliced off his own penis and and threw it away after his girlfriend broke up with him. But you know what they say: Don’t cut off your dick to spite your ex.