This Week’s Jokes: Week of 9/15/14

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are having another Bey-be.

Chris Brown said in an interview that Ray Rice should see a therapist and learn to control his anger. That sounds like good advice; I wonder if Chris Brown has ever considered it?

Chris Brown said in an interview that Ray Rice should see a therapist and learn to control his anger. He then followed up with “hahahahaha Opposite Day! Opposite Day!”

The owner of Madison Square Garden booked his own band to open for the Eagles on Saturday night. So he’ll get to stiff himself on payment for the gig.

The owner of Madison Square Garden booked his own band to open for the Eagles on Saturday night, but only because he really, really needs the money from this gig, guys.

On Sunday, the Pope married 20 couples who were already cohabiting. By force.

Kanye West refused to start a song at a recent concert until everyone in the crowd stood up–including one person in a wheelchair. Well, at least he’s stopped asking people to bow down.

Robin Thicke admitted to being high while recording Blurred Lines. Oh my gosh. What if he was roofied?

After backlash, Apple put out instructions for customers to get rid of the free U2 album download on their phones. “No, you don’t understand,” said customers. “We wanted to know how to get rid of U2.”

DeBeers is telling customers diamond demand is too high to keep up with its supply, so prices will start to rise. Customers clutched their pearls in incredulity.

Target’s new commercial features a gay couple and their child. Sounds like they’re trying to target a new Target target audience.

A Chinese court awarded a woman $5,000 after she claimed she lost her virginity to a man who promised to marry her, only to find out he was already married. Sounds like the court basically decided she’s a prostitute.

The doctor who operated on Joan Rivers allegedly took a selfie with her while she was unconscious in the operating room. The worst part of that story is that he took a photo of her without makeup.

The doctor who operated on Joan Rivers allegedly took a selfie with her while she was unconscious in the operating room. Joan Rivers has been under the knife literally 1,000s of times and all those doctors could control themselves; why couldn’t this guy?

A Queens man has been posting pornographic photos in his window, allegedly because he doesn’t like that an immigrant family moved in next door. Hey guy, if you teach them about sex, they’ll just make more.

Over the last few years, the CDC has recorded 50 people killed from rented guns at shooting ranges. Which is why it’s so important to protect our right to OWN guns.

Advertisements