This Week’s Jokes: Week of 9/8/14

Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting a second royal baby. Prince George was reportedly so excited about the news he pooped himself. Or, maybe he’s just a baby.

According to the New York Times, on September 16 a cab service will open in New York City offering exclusively female drivers to female riders. But, it will only provide rides to your kitchen or the mall.

The NFL suspended Ray Rice indefinitely after TMZ released full video of the football player attacking his wife in an elevator. Not for hitting her; for not using proper heads up tackling form when he did it.

The NFL suspended Ray Rice indefinitely after TMZ released full video of the football player attacking his wife in an elevator. If you watch closely, you can see Beyoncé in the corner, not doing anything to stop it.

Olive Garden is offering an unlimited pasta VIP Pass. Because when you’re here, you’re family, and everyone in Olive Garden’s family has to be fat.

Six men attempted to break into a Miami University frat house, and attacked a witness by throwing bagels at him. They are being charged with attempted murder, as the witness was on a gluten-free diet.

A new statistical analysis finds that”there is less than a one in one hundred thousand chance” of the past 30 years of temperature records happening unless greenhouse gases are causing global warming. So…still a chance!

Gwen Stefani told Gavin Rossdale about her latest pregnancy in an email while he was on tour. He was present for the birth via Skype.

Gwen Stefani told Gavin Rossdale about her latest pregnancy in an email while he was on tour. The craziest thing about that is finding out that Gavin Rossdale still tours.

One of the 12-year-old girls accused in the Slender Man stabbings has been found unfit for trial. You know, making fun of her weight probably isn’t going to help towards rehabilitation.

Flavored vodka sales are reportedly down. Not surprising. That Pinnacle “Lay’s Cappuccino Flavored Potato Chips flavored vodka” really jumped the shark.

Jill Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting sent out wedding invitations to 1,000 guests. That “and counting” must have gotten really far since TLC first named the show.

The FBI raided a hotel room in connection with Kris Jenner’s stalker. Kris got the video from their night vision goggles and is trying to sell it as a sequel to Kim’s sex tape.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, single adults now outnumber married adults for the first time since 1976. So there are still plenty of single men out there, Denise.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, single adults now outnumber married adults for the first time since 1976. Does that mean they’re losers who never got married or losers who got divorced?

Katy Perry and Taylor Swift apparently hate each other, but Swift says “it’s not because of a guy, it’s business.” Meaning they both wrote a song about the same guy.

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