This Week’s Jokes: Week of 1/27/14

The late actor Cory Monteith’s name was misspelled during the In Memoriam segment at this year’s Grammy Awards. Fellow cast members and producers on Gle were furious.

E! is officially reporting that they will be televising the wedding of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. In TV guide listings, the wedding will be listed under “Sequels.”

34 couples were married at Sunday’s Grammy Awards, during the performance of hit marriage-equality anthem “Same Love” by Macklemore. “It was absolutely perfect–pretty much our dream wedding,” gushed the happy couples, “except that we had to listen to ‘Same Love’ by Macklemore.”

After questionably sweeping the rap categories at the Grammys, Macklemore texted fellow nominee Kendrick Lamar to apologize. Sources say Lamar texted back, “Who is this?”

Hillary Clinton says she hasn’t driven a car in six years. When asked to verify the claim, Bill Clinton responded, “Well. I know she definitely hasn’t driven stick.”

Two peace doves released by Pope Francis were attacked by larger birds on Sunday. “I don’t understand why they didn’t fight back,” said the Pope, “they’re birds of pray.”

Records in a UK phone-tapping trial have revealed that Sienna Miller cheated on Jude Law while the two were engaged. Law responded, “Oh good, I thought it was just me and I felt so guilty!”

Records in a UK phone-tapping trial have revealed that Sienna Miller cheated on Jude Law while the two were engaged. President Barack Obama used the news as an opportunity to defend the NSA’s wiretapping, saying, “See?? Look at all the juicy gossip we’re missing out on!”

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett is reportedly using George W. Bush’s former speechwriter for his Tuesday budget address. Upon hearing the news, critics of the governor rolled their eyes and speculated that he’ll also be using Bush’s former flight suit and “Mission Accomplished” banner.

Texas State Senator Wendy Davis’ daughters have personally written open letters to defend their mother against claims she was an absentee parent. This is good news for Davis, but bad news for daughters around the country who usually just pick up their open letters for their moms from the Hallmark store.

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